Tag Archives: stress

What’s your gap?

When I start working with clients I ask them to describe two visions:

  1. Where are you right now?
  2. Where do you want to be?

With those two questions clearly understood, we can start the process of change that moves someone from where they are now, to where they want to be.  In essence, closing the gap between their two visions.

What do I mean by “the gap?”

“Steve” wanted to get a job that better fit his strengths and ADHD diagnosis.  His current job involved phone sales 8:00 AM – 5:00 PM with very little in-person contact and a lot of sitting.  His vision of the perfect job involved travel, in-person communication and a high level of flexibility. “Steve” had a very clear vision, he knew where he wanted to be, but there was uncertainty about the process to get there.

“Kathy” wanted to take more control of her life.  Her current routine was highly irregular and impulsive.  She would go to bed and wake up “whenever,” with little direction for how her day unfolded.  Most days she went to bed frustrated because she had little to show for her waking hours.  “Kathy” wanted a more productive life she could feel good about.  She wanted to go to bed by 11:00 PM, get up at 7:00 AM and have a robust, attainable schedule for her day.  A very large gap from where “Kathy” was and where she wanted to be, but there was passion about getting there, one step at a time.

“Susie” wanted to have a home she could be proud, one to which she could invite friends and family to visit.   Unfortunately, the current state of her home was very cluttered, disorganized and in some rooms, not physically safe.  She continually brought additional items into the home without moving any items out.   Her vision was of a home that reflected her many life experiences but was not so overwhelmed with clutter that she was in constant fear of tripping.  This gap was physical, but closing that gap would open up a world of social interaction that hadn’t been experienced in a long time.

Each of these clients had a clear vision of where they were now and an even clearer vision of where they wanted to be.  The disconnect was the gap.

Closing the gap is different for everyone, but it almost always involves a significant emotional component.  And a lot of time, that component is fear.

Fear of being rejected in our job search so we settle for the status quo.

Fear of failure and sometimes even fear of success.

Fear that if we get our lives a little more in order even more will be expected of us.

Fear that if we let something physically go, the memories attached to it will go too.

Fear of the unknown.

What do you want to change?  Where are you now?  Where do you want to be?  What’s your gap?

Cindy Jobs, COC, ACC

Looking for more information?

Click here for 15-minute organizing tips.

 

 

 

www.organizetosimplify.com

 

 

 

National Association of Productivity & Organizing Professionals, Seattle Chapter Vice-President

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Professional Resource Member

 

 

 

Coach Approach for Organizers

 

 

 

 

Institute for Challenging Disorganization

Level I Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization; ADD; Client Administration; Time Management; Mental Health; and Hoarding.

Level II Specialist Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization and ADHD.

“I really thought you’d be more upset.”

A week or so ago my husband and I went to a BBQ/pool party.  I really didn’t have any intention to swim, so I didn’t wear a swimming suit, just normal backyard BBQ attire.  As it turned out, having a suit on would have been handy when I dropped my iPhone in the pool!

As you might imagine, it took me a minute to figure out what my next step was.  Long story short, it took about five minutes for someone to fish my phone out of the pool.  I was super-excited when the phone appeared to still be working . . . . and super-disappointed two minutes later when it stopped working.  Immediately the phone went into a bag of rice and fingers were crossed that it would all be fine the next day.  Well, the phone wasn’t fine, but surprisingly, I wasn’t very upset.

As we were driving home, my husband looked at me quizzically and said “I really thought you’d be more upset.”  Then I got to thinking . . . . I’m surprised I’m not more upset too.  Then it hit me.

Remember my  last post when I talked a little bit about meditation and how it changes the brain?  Below is a quick synopsis of a 2016 study on mindfulness and emotional regulation:

Simply put, the authors argued that individuals who are naturally mindful can effectively regulate their emotions even without meditation, but for those who are not naturally mindful, simply forcing oneself to be mindful “in the moment” is not enough — it is necessary to engage in mindfulness meditation in order to effectively regulate your emotions.

I’m generally a pretty emotional person.  A couple of years ago I would have been so upset about the phone issue, I would have started berating myself with negative self-talk about my irresponsibility . . . right after I stopped crying about it.  But my regular practice of mindful meditation kept those emotions in check.

Here’s how I see meditation making a positive impact on my life:

In the moment:  I have a quick meditation if I need to destress in the moment.  Closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths I repeat “Stillness of mind, awareness of body.”  This will reduce my heart rate and give me a moment of pause.

Daily:  I meditate about 10 minutes almost every day.  It sets my intention and starts my day in a calm place.

Cumulative:  My blood pressure is low and my emotions are much more regulated.  This serves me well in almost every situation.

So what did I learn?

  • Mindful meditation works.
  • Be more careful with my phone.
  • If the phone goes swimming again, put it in a small plastic bag BEFORE you put it in rice. (The nice folks at the Apple store had to dig three pieces of rice out of the power port.)  🙂

What positive impact could mindfulness have on your life?

Cindy Jobs

www.organizetosimplify.com

Member Color - Web
National Association of Professional Organizers, Seattle Chapter Vice President
ICD_LogoTag_Horz_72 website
Institute for Challenging Disorganization:
Level I Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization; ADD; Client Administration; Time Management; Mental Health; and Hoarding.
Level II Specialist Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization and ADHD.
Coach Approach for Organizers
Graduate of the Comprehensive Training Program: Coaching Essentials; Strengths-Based Coaching; Brain-Based Coaching; Life and ADHD Coaching; and Organizer Coach Integration
Graduate-level training: Body-Based Coaching; ADHD Coaching Competencies

The Power of Flexibility

We’ve had a home in the mountains for quite some time.  We get a lot of snow.  We are prepared for a lot of snow.  We knew the risks of snow inconvenience when we built our home.  We accepted and embraced the risk.  As a general rule, the snow has not affected us.

Well, the last few days have proven an exception to the rule.  Over 30″ of snow in the last couple of days.  Yikes!  A major highway was closed for an extended period of time.  This resulted in my not being able to maintain commitments I’d made to family, clients, and colleagues.

I had a decision to make:  How was I going to let this affect me?

  1. Release the stress associated with the change in schedule.  It’s easy to get twisted up about having to adjust your schedule.  If you couldn’t control it, acknowledge that fact and let the stress associated with the unexpected inconvenience go.
  2.  Analyze the “why” behind the schedule shift.  Could you change it?  If not, let it go.  If you could have changed the path that resulted in the schedule shift, what could you have done differently?  Learn from the event.
  3. What’s the next step?
    1. Communicate as quickly as possible to let people know you will not be able to honor your commitment.
    2. If necessary and possible, reschedule commitments.
    3. Make the most of the newly-found home/office time:
      • Get some work done (clean up your e-mail, de-clutter your office/junk drawer, update your contacts list, etc.)
      • Enjoy the unexpected time with friends and family.
      • Do the reading you’ve not previously made time for.
      • Give a family member or friend an unexpected call.
      • Write a blog post about flexibility around unexpected events.  🙂
  4. Lastly, figure out what is to be learned from this experience.  I learned that I need to update my electronic contacts lists so I could contact my clients and colleagues more easily from any location.  A small, but powerful, learning experience.

I’ve learned a lot about myself and my processes over the last couple of days.  What can you learn when the world throws you a curve ball?

Cindy Jobs

 

 

www.organizetosimplify.com

Proud member of:

Member Color - WebNational Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO), Seattle Area Chapter President

ICD_LogoTag_Horz_72 websiteInstitute for Challenging Disorganization (ICD)

“A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.”

2016.04.01 Unsplash Jeremy ThomasWhen we worry, our brains are in a constant swirl of “what if?” questions.  Personally, as the John Lubbock quote (subject line) attests, I find worry extremely exhausting!  My mind races, I lose sleep, and I get distracted from what’s truly important.

Is worry worth it?  According to “The Complete Sales Action System®” worry chart, maybe not:

  • 40% of all things we worry about never happen
  • 30% have already happened and we can’t do anything about them
  • 12% needless worries about health
  • 10% petty miscellaneous issues
  • 8% real worries
    • 1/2 we can do little about
    • 1/2 we can

So, before your brain engages in a constant swirl of worry, think about:

Will this matter a year from now?  This thought compliments of  Dr. Richard Carlson’s book Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff  . . . and it’s all small stuff.   Things that may not matter in a year: missing a meeting or  your wife’s birthday (wait, that may matter a year from now); making a non-life-threatening mistake; or having an argument with a colleague, friend, or family member.  You get the idea.

Does this worry belong to someone else?  How many times have we taken on  worry that doesn’t belong to us?  Personally, I’ve worried about RSVPs to a party I’m not hosting; worried about a comment someone else made to a mutual friend; and worried about whether or not my husband has left for the airport on time (he’s perfectly capable of managing his time).  I couldn’t control any of these situations and they really weren’t mine to manage or worry about . . . but I did.

What’s the very worst that can happen?   Sometimes there is a legitimate reason to worry, but it helps to put some thought into “what’s next” if the worst happens.  For example:  Taxes are due within the next couple of weeks.   What’s the very worst that can happen if you don’t file on time?  Penalties, fines, or triggering an audit.  Not great options.  What can you do about it?  File an extension.  The worry was not misplaced, but once the extension is filed, you can rest a bit easier . . . for a while.

Is the problem solvable?  Can whatever we are worrying about be fixed, prevented, or resolved?  If so, the worry may be warranted.  If not, the worry energy may well be misplaced.

Maybe we can take some advice from the Dalai Lama:

“If there is a solution to a problem, there is no need to worry.

And if there is no solution, there is no need to worry.”

Cindy Jobs

cindy@organizetosimplify.com

Organize to Simplify RGB www.organizetosimplify.com

Member Color - WebNational Association of Professional Organizers, Seattle Chapter President
 ICD_LogoTag_Horz_72 websiteCertified Premium Subscriber, Institute for Challenging Disorganization

Not Another Tie! Better Gift Giving Ideas

FreeDigitalImages_ApoloniaThanksgiving Doorbusters.  Black Friday Specials.   Cyber Monday Madness.

The holiday gift-giving time is upon us . . . along with the stress we put upon ourselves to find the perfect gifts.  Don’t get me wrong, there is amazing joy in finding the perfect gift (when it happens you hear harps playing and angels singing)!   But more often than not, gift-giving is stressful and, frankly, not very much fun.

In my organizing work, I see lots and lots of not so perfect gifts that get stuffed in a drawer or put away in a cupboard because the recipient is too embarrassed to say that it doesn’t fit, isn’t their style, or doesn’t satisfy a current need.  Many times, as recipients, we would really prefer that the time, energy, and money spent on gifts be directed to those that are truly in need.

So, if you are not quite sure what Aunt Suzi wants or needs as a holiday gift this year and you’re pretty sure another velour robe isn’t going to be the “perfect” gift, how about trying something new . . . give to those truly in need and send Aunt Suzi a sweet card saying that a donation has been made in her name.  (Many charities will send the cards for you if you would prefer she receive something directly.)  My guess is Aunt Suzi will appreciate the charitable thought . . . and not having to return yet another pink velour robe.

Here are some thought starters:

Donate cash to a local charity:  Cash is always a welcome gift for many charities.  Although it may feel good to buy a bag of canned food or a frozen turkey, that may not be exactly what the local food bank or soup kitchen needs right now.  If you plan to go this route, give them a call and see what they may need and follow their suggestions.  And while you’re at it, see if they could use a helping hand or two.  According to a Berkeley study,  “scientists also believe that altruistic behavior releases endorphins in the brain, producing the positive feeling known as the “helper’s high.””

Donate to a national charity:   There are those in need all across the country.  National and international charities like Red Cross, Salvation Army, and Goodwill, are well-established organizations that help those less fortunate and those in crisis.

Adopt-A-Family:  Many cities and businesses adopt local families or foster children during the holiday season.  Check with your local Chamber of Commerce or your employer’s Human Resources to see what might be available.  Friends, neighbors, and co-workers coming together behind this cause will bring even more joy to giving.

Spread your gifts around the world:  The  Good Gifts catalog was born 12 years ago, as a refreshing alternative to conventional unwanted presents.  From livestock to tress, school uniforms to an orphan’s dowry, donations can be directed around the world to those truly in need.  Good Gifts will provide a  keepsake card (to send or keep) bearing a light-hearted description of the gift.

Water, education and disaster relief: A gift to World Vision enables them to respond quickly in areas of greatest need to help the world’s most vulnerable.

Whatever gift-giving solution feels best to you, remember the spirit of the holidays is really to spend time with the ones we love.

Click here for more Stressless Holiday suggestions.

 

Organize to Simplify RGB   www.organizetosimplify.com
Member Color - Web  National Association of Professional Organizers, Seattle Chapter President
ICD_LogoTag_Horz_72 website Certified Premium Subscriber, Institute for Challenging Disorganization

3 Quick Ways to De-Stress the Holidays

Happy HolidaysIt’s hard to believe, but it’s early November and the holidays are right around the corner!  How did that happen?

This time of year I hear a lot of stress-related concerns from my clients.  In large part, they center around not having enough time to “get it all done.”  This gives me the perfect opportunity to have the conversation about what “it all” is and if everything that falls under the “it all” category is bringing joy to the holiday season or just layering on undue stress.

I encourage my clients to check in with themselves, review their priorities, and give themselves the most precious of all gifts . . . time!  Here are some great places to start:

  1. Holiday gatherings.  If you feel more stress than joy about attending a holiday event, maybe the answer to the invitation should be “thank you for inviting us, but we just can’t make it this year.”  You don’t need to go into a long explanation about why, simply responding that you can’t make it is sufficient.
  2. De-stress holiday baking.  It’s amazing to me how much stress people put on themselves when it comes to holiday baking.  Baking is not my passion, but I love having holiday treats to share with neighbors and friends.   Here are two simple and fun ways to take some baking shortcuts.
    1. Coordinate baking efforts.  Have a dessert exchange party where everyone makes several dozen of their favorite recipes and then swap with each other. It’s a super-simple, and super-fun, way to easily get a full assortment of desserts without having to make several different kinds yourself.  (Special Note: It helps to specify that the desserts should freeze well.)
    2. Let the grocery store do some (or all) of the work.  It’s amazing what the neighborhood grocery store has on hand these days!  From ready-made desserts to cookies you can decorate yourself, let the professionals handle the heavy-lifting of baking so you can spend your time doing things you enjoy more.
  3. It’s okay to buy gift cards!  Unless you absolutely, positively know someone’s perfect size, color, or favorite author, a gift card would probably be a welcome gift.  It’s easy to customize the gift by selecting a recipient’s favorite store or Amazon sells gift cards from $.50 – $2,000.  And what can’t you buy on Amazon these days?

The holidays are meant to be joyful and fun . . . for everyone.  I encourage you to take a step back, let go of some of the holiday guilt, and use a few shortcuts to give yourself the gift of time.  You deserve it!

Stressless Holidays

FreeDigitalImages_ApoloniaYikes!  Thanksgiving is just a few days away!  Where did the time go?

I assume anyone reading this is as short on time as I am, so I will cut to the chase.  Here are a few quick things you can do to reduce your holiday stress:

1.  Limit time obligations:  I know it may sound like bad social behavior, but we truly don’t have to go to everything we are invited to.  There are certainly some non-negotiables like our kids concerts, immediate-family gatherings, and the personal invitation from our boss, but there are a number of invites that our lack of attendance will probably not even be noticed.  Do we really need to attend our condo association holiday gathering?  How about the open house at the gym? Or the mass invite from your bank or Chamber of Commerce?  These type of invites can be handled with a swift “thank you for inviting me, but I will be unable to attend this year.”  End of conversation.  Benefit:  More time to spend on the things we really enjoy.

2.  Reduce gift-giving:  Our family did this years ago and it has been a life-saver ever since.  Here’s how my shopping would have gone just for my side of the family if we hadn’t made this significant change:  Parents: 1;  Husband, son, and daughter-in-law: 3;  Siblings and their spouses:  8;  Nieces/Nephews and significant others: 23.  Total: 35   Years ago, we decided as a family to draw names by generation and by couple.  For example: I only purchase for one of my siblings and their significant other and my nieces/nephews draw names and they purchase for only one person/couple.  My mom gets a gift from all of us . . . as it should be.   Of course,  I still purchase for my husband, son and daughter-in-law.  Total: 5  This change has reduced  our family gift-giving by 85%.  Not only has no one complained, everyone has embraced the modification and appreciates the new-found gains.  Benefit:  More time, Less Stress, Financial Relief.

3.  Make a gift-giving list and budget:  This is one of the hardest things to do, but will pay off many times over in reduced stress and guilt.  Budget an hour so for this process.

  1. Write down the amount of money you would feel comfortable spending for all your gift-giving.  For some it’s $100, for others, it could be thousands.  Acknowledging that there is a financial cap will start the process.
  2. Make a list of everyone you feel you need to purchase gifts for (refer to the above “Reduce gift-giving”  and reduce the list if possible).  If a gift suggestion pops into your head as you are making this list, write that down too.
  3. Once your list is complete, allocate funds based on your relationship with them.  In some relationships, the spouse may get a larger percentage than your siblings; in other relationships, the spouse gets a thoughtful token gift and the bulk of the resources go to other people.  Make this a very personal and thoughtful process.
  4. Once you are comfortable with the list, put together a shopping plan.  This could be one large trip to the mall, or several small stops after work.  Whatever works for you is what’s important.
  5. Always get a gift receipt!  Chances are, every gift is not going to be perfect for every person on your list.  Providing a gift receipt will both tell them it’s okay to exchange it, but will give them the means to do so without having to involve you in the “where did you get this?” conversation.

There are many, many additional ways to reduce your stress over the holidays including getting enough rest, eating right, and making sure to exercise.  Take care of yourself, and you can take care of others.

Although is may sound quaint, remember the spirit of the holidays as a time to enjoy our friends and family.

Happy Holidays!

Cindy Jobs

Organize to Simplify RGB www.organizetosimplify.com

Member Color - WebNational Association of Professional Organizers, Seattle Chapter President
 ICD_LogoTag_Horz_72 websiteCertified Premium Subscriber, Institute for Challenging Disorganization
Image courtesy of: FreeDigitalImages.com; Apolonia

The Real Costs of Procrastination: Installment #2

Procrastination Your Cards Image

Procrastination is a tricky thing.  Frankly, I procrastinated writing this post for 6 days.  When I was working on The Real Costs of Procrastination: Installment #1 I thought “I’ll just dive right into Installment #2.”  Did I?  No.  Why?  Because I had a whole week to do it.  Now, here I am at the 11th hour trying to get in done in time for the deadline.

What was the cost to me of that decision?  Significant stress.

Last week I published The Real Costs of Procrastination: Installment #1 that dealt with the tangible and intangible costs of procrastinating on Relationships, Health, Household Chores, Home/Car Repairs, and Organization (my personal favorite).  Installment #2 will tackle Wills, Financial Planning, Taxes, Business Costs, and Insurance.

Wills:  Not that any of us want to think about it, but at some point, our earthly possessions will need to be passed on to someone else.  It’s true, as cool as our stuff is,  we can’t take it with us.  Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we had some say in where our cool stuff went?  Well, that’s what wills are for.  A 2008 study found that 58%  of Americans did not have a will.  That number doesn’t surprise me at all.  It should, but it doesn’t.  None of us want to think about death and dying, but it is irresponsible to our loved ones not to take care of this important process.  When someone passes without a will, the state gets to decide what happens to your stuff.  In most situations it could be pretty straight forward:  the inheritance goes to the spouse, the kids, etc.  But what about our businesses?  What about our stepchildren or non-marital significant other?  What if we didn’t want everything divided equally?  What if we wanted all our money and possessions to go to a favorite charity?  Without a valid will, none of these situations would probably be resolved to our desired expectation.  Cost of procrastination: Money, Relationships.

(Phew, glad to have that one out of the way.)

Financial Planning:  Detailed and thorough financial planning is critical to our long-term well being.    When we are in our twenties and thirties, we can’t see past a new pair of jeans to even think about planning for our retirement.  Those days just seem too far away. It is never too early to start planning for our retirement; but lots of times it can be too late.  What’s the benefit of starting early?   Using the compound interest calculator, I wanted to see how much a relatively small investment could grow over time.  I started with $1,000 and estimated that I’d put in an additional $50 per month (about 10 lattes with a generous tip), and calculated the growth over 10 years at a 5% interest rate.  What would I have at the end of that time period?  $9,175.63.  Change it to 20 years and the number becomes a staggering $22,492.87.  Amazing what a little planning and discipline could do for our long-term financial well being.  Cost of procrastination: Limited Retirement Savings, Reduced Retirement Enjoyment.

Taxes:  According to a CBS News post, the cost of waiting until the last minute to file income taxes costs on average an additional  $400.  It’s not that we can just choose to not pay our taxes by April 15.  (Well, some folks may, but I’m guessing the cost of that decision is much greater than $400.)   We are just delaying the inevitable.   If we thought we were getting money back on our taxes, we’d be Johnny-On-The-Spot when it came to filing our taxes, right?  Not necessarily. Procrastinators are procrastinators, and whether we think we are getting money back or having to give Uncle Sam money, we generally wait until the last minute to do it anyway.  In addition the the extra $400, the stress of not knowing takes a tremendous toll.   Cost of procrastination:  Money, stress.

Business Costs:  A 2012 CNBC post identified the cost of procrastination in business as being a staggering $10,396 . . . . per employee . . . per year.  Wow!  The article referred to procrastination as “the most invisible cost in business today.”  I don’t doubt it.  When I worked in Corporate America,  I surely procrastinated a bit on projects that I knew needed to get done, but I just didn’t feel motivated to do.  Mostly the procrastinated projects had open-ended completion dates, but they were necessary, and the benefit to the company had I completed them in a timely manner would have been significant.  Why did I procrastinate?  Generally, I felt I didn’t know enough about the project to get started; didn’t feel I had the appropriate resources to get the project completed; or just found other stuff that was more fun to do.  Cost of procrastination:  Money, Credibility, Possible Promotion

Insurance:  I just updated my business insurance a few months ago.  Before I renewed in 2013 I committed to shopping my insurance needs around a bit.  Well, I procrastinated that project and didn’t do it, letting my carrier renew me for the next 12 months without a second thought.  This year I received five proposals covering my current business insurance needs.  The result?  A 40% reduction in cost for the same coverage.  It sickens me to think of what I might have been able to do with that money had I gone through the process in 2013.   I should have taken the time to ensure that my coverage was complete and the best value available.   The same goes for renewing any kind of insurance:  auto, home, personal liability, health, etc.  I worked with a client several years ago that hadn’t done a detailed review of their business auto insurance in several years.  After my analysis of their coverage, it was determined that two of their vehicles hadn’t been included in the policy.  Can you image the cost had there been an accident with one of those vehicles?   Frightening.   Cost of procrastination:  Money, Peace of Mind, Liability

Well, that concludes my top 10 list of areas where we shouldn’t procrastinate and the costs if we do.  I hope some of them resonate with you, as they did with me as I was preparing to write about them.   We all have so much to do that sometimes things just have to be put aside for a while.  And that’s okay.  As long as “a while” doesn’t turn into “forever” and we cost ourselves and our loved ones undue financial hardship and stress.

“Procrastination is the practice of carrying out less urgent tasks in preference to more urgent ones, or doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones, and thus putting off impending tasks to a later time, sometimes to the “last minute” before the deadline. (Wikipedia)”

Cindy Jobs

Organize to Simplify RGB www.organizetosimplify.com

Member Color - WebNational Association of Professional Organizers, Seattle Chapter President
 ICD_LogoTag_Horz_72 websiteCertified Premium Subscriber, Institute for Challenging Disorganization