Tag Archives: International Coach Federation

Swim Lanes

I come from a family of swimmers.  At a point in time, all five of the siblings in my family were on swim teams.  I was the youngest at the age of six with my oldest brother being 14.  I can’t imagine the scheduling chaos in our family at that point time.

One swim meet in particular stands out.

It was early in my swim team career.  We were at an away meet and my suits had been forgotten at home.  My sister was six years older than me, but using her spare suit was the only option I had.  My mother jerry-rigged it the very best she could, but as you might imagine, it didn’t go well.

I was crying before I hit the water.  I was sure my suit was going to come off.  I couldn’t hold a stroke to save my life.  I was all over the place and ended up being disqualified because I wandered out of my swim lane and into the adjacent lane.

I wanted to give up.  I never wanted to swim another stroke in my life.

If I were to put adult emotions on my six-year-old self they would be:

  • Embarrassed
  • Frustrated
  • Disappointed
  • Humiliated

All because I wasn’t prepared and didn’t stay in my swim lane.

I experience some of these same emotions when I don’t stay in my swim lane as an adult.

What does staying in my swim lane mean?

Do what I am responsible for and what I do best.

Let others do what they are responsible for and what they do best.

Some examples of my swim lane restrictions:

  • In our household, everything that has a motor is the responsibility of my husband. I may pass on information like “this doesn’t seem to be working the way it used to.”  That’s it.  He gets to take it from there, I get to let it go.
  • I have been a long-time Board member of a local professional group. To that end, people send me requests and questions that do not pertain to my current Board position.   With glee, I pass them on to the appropriate individual.
  • As a coach, my clients open up to me about very personal things, sometimes asking for advice I am not qualified to give. I am not a counselor.  I am not a therapist.  When this situation comes up, it is helpful to know the boundaries of my swim lane and politely suggesting this is a situation better suited for their mental health provider.

What has embracing this swim lane philosophy done for me?

  • I’m not embarrassed when I offer solutions, even though I lacked understanding the big picture.
  • I’m not frustrated when I felt the need to meddle in someone else’s business when I wasn’t asked or invited (funny, most people would prefer I stay out of their swim lanes).
  • I’m not disappointed when my involvement in projects is not embraced.
  • I’m not humiliated when I’m told that my solution to their problem isn’t in line with their direction, desires, values, and needs.  I don’t always know best.

Although I do enjoy being helpful and supportive, being able to identify when I am wandering into someone else’s swim lane and stopping myself has been a blessing.

Thought:

Do what I am responsible for and what I do best.

Let others do what they are responsible for and what they do best.

Stay in your swim lane.

 

Cindy Jobs, COC, ACC

Looking for more information?

Click here for 15-minute organizing tips.

 

 

 

 

www.organizetosimplify.com

 

 

 

National Association of Productivity & Organizing Professionals, Seattle Chapter Vice-President

 

 

 

International Coach Federation

 

 

 

 

Professional Resource Member

 

 

 

Coach Approach for Organizers

 

 

 

 

Institute for Challenging Disorganization

Level I Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization; ADD; Client Administration; Time Management; Mental Health; and Hoarding.

Level II Specialist Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization and ADHD

 

 

The power of mind mapping.

Sometimes making progress is really, really hard.  Even when we have a very clear idea of where we want to end up, we just can’t seem to make it through the decision-making and execution process.

Why is that?

  • There are too many options.
  • The scope is ambiguous.
  • We don’t know where to start.
  • Required chronology is uncertain.
  • We’re concerned we may forget important parts and pieces.

This, I’m certain, is just a partial list of what may run through our minds when we are contemplating a project.  Sometimes there are so many unanswered questions we just throw up our hands in frustration and don’t do anything.

When I’m stuck on a project, I use mind mapping.

What’s that?

A mind map is a great way to visually organize information.  Using the lightbulb image above as a guideline, start with the central concept.

Light bulb = Create Sales Trend Report.

The circles represent important parts and pieces of the project and process:

  • Scope
  • Stakeholders
  • Data gathering
  • Data delivery
  • Report criteria
  • Programming resources

Using the most basic of mind-mapping techniques can help generate ideas, visualize structure and process workflow, resulting in higher success and completion rates.

The cool thing about mind maps is that they can be used in any environment.  From occupational to personal, mind mapping is a great way to move from concept to completion.

Mind maps can take many forms.  Personally, I like to use the old-fashioned pencil-on-paper technique shown below.

Image source: Pinterest

Recently one of my more technically advanced clients suggested an open-source mind mapping called X-Mind, but a quick online· search resulted in a plethora of options, most with free trial options.  I’d suggest trying a few options to see what fits your personal style.

Stuck on a project?  Mind map it!

 

Cindy Jobs, COC, ACC

Looking for more information?

Click here for 15-minute organizing tips.

 

 

 

 

www.organizetosimplify.com

 

 

 

National Association of Productivity & Organizing Professionals, Seattle Chapter Vice-President

 

 

 

International Coach Federation

 

 

 

 

Professional Resource Member

 

 

 

Coach Approach for Organizers

 

 

 

 

Institute for Challenging Disorganization

Level I Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization; ADD; Client Administration; Time Management; Mental Health; and Hoarding.

Level II Specialist Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization and ADHD

 

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t know.” was one of the phrases I previously feared using the most.

Now I embrace it.

What did I used to think “I don’t know.” said about me?

  1. I was uninformed.
  2. I was unprepared.
  3. I wasn’t as good as someone else.
  4. I was vulnerable and weak.

Questions I wanted to answer “I don’t know.” to but was too afraid:

  1. What were the annual sales of this product two years ago?
  2. How long will it take to create that new report?
  3. What changes did Kathy’s group make that cut their lead time by 15%?
  4. What would be the benefit of assigning that project to another team?

Having to say “I don’t know.” struck fear in my heart and left me feeling stressed, anxious and exhausted.  I had convinced myself that there was an expectation that I knew everything all the time.   I certainly didn’t.  I felt like an imposter.

I will admit, there were times when I truly didn’t know but would try to bluff my way through anyway.  Not a strategy I would recommend as on more than one occasion this strategy did not work out well . . . at all.

But in actuality “I don’t know.” can be incredibly powerful, made even stronger followed by “Let me find out.”  What does using these two simple phrases say about you?

  • You are honest about your knowledge.
  • You know your limitations.
  • You are open to exploration.
  • You do not always need to be the expert.
  • You are willing to be vulnerable, making it easier for others to be vulnerable around you.

Who would you prefer to be known as?  The person in the bullet points above, or the stressed, anxious, and exhausted person that considers themselves an imposter.

I don’t know, do you?

Cindy Jobs, COC, ACC

Looking for more information?

Click here for 15-minute organizing tips.

 

 

 

 

www.organizetosimplify.com

 

 

 

National Association of Productivity & Organizing Professionals, Seattle Chapter Vice-President

 

 

 

International Coach Federation

 

 

 

 

Professional Resource Member

 

 

 

Coach Approach for Organizers

 

 

 

 

Institute for Challenging Disorganization

Level I Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization; ADD; Client Administration; Time Management; Mental Health; and Hoarding.

Level II Specialist Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization and ADHD

“If only . . .” = Change

“He says he doesn’t care about being fashionable, if only he dressed more like Michael.”

“She is really good at her job, if only she wanted to stay home with the kids like my mom did.”

“I know life will be perfect if only I could only lose a few pounds.”

What we mean when we say “if only” is there is a need for change, in someone else or ourselves.

As part of my coaching practice, my clients focus a lot on change.  Not only do people want to make changes in their own lives (which I fully support), but they want to make changes to other people too.  Don’t get me wrong, most of us have things about ourselves we’d like to change and I support that 100%.  But what does it say about us that we feel the need to change others?

Let’s take each of the above statements just a little further:

“He says he doesn’t care about being fashionable, if only he dressed more like Michael.”

He didn’t care about fashion when you met him, why should he care about that now?  Why should you?  What changed? Why bring someone else into your relationship?  What kind of pressure are you putting on Michael to maintain your level of perfection?

“She is really good at her job, if only she wanted to stay home with the kids like my mom did.”

My guess is that one of the things that attracted you to her was the drive and determination she had for her job.  What changed?   How much is her job a part of her?  What happens when you ask her to give up something that’s important to her?  Are your needs more important than hers?

“I know life will be perfect if only I could only lose a few pounds.”

Comments like these hurt me to the core.  I struggled with self-image issues when I was younger (actually, still do) and I was certain that my life would be perfect if only I lost 25 pounds.  Then I lost 25 pounds and low-and-behold, life was not perfect.  What I found was that the people who truly loved and cared about me thought I was perfect just the way I was.  They didn’t see a need for change, why did I?

How much happier would we be if we could eliminate “if only” from our lives and look at others, and ourselves, as perfect just the way we are?

Cindy Jobs, COC, ACC

Looking for more information?

Click here for 15-minute organizing tips.

 

 

 

www.organizetosimplify.com

 

 

 

National Association of Productivity & Organizing Professionals, Seattle Chapter Vice-President

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Professional Resource Member

 

 

 

Coach Approach for Organizers

 

 

 

 

Institute for Challenging Disorganization

Level I Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization; ADD; Client Administration; Time Management; Mental Health; and Hoarding.

Level II Specialist Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization and ADHD.

What’s your story?

I just finished Brene’ Brown’s Rising Strong.  In the book, she encourages her readers to think about “the story I’m making up” and explore other perspectives.  What does she mean by that?

Read the story about the total disconnect she had with her husband while taking a swim on a long-awaited family summer vacation.  I assure you, you will have an “ah-ha” moment before the story is through.

Acknowledging “the story I’m making up” can be a real communication life-saver.  How has “the story” manifested for me?  Here are a few examples:

Scenario #1:  A friend and I took a road trip together.  We’ve known each other for a long time and have a very sarcastic repertoire.  Basically, we flip each other sh&! all the time.  The day after our road trip I saw a meme on Facebook that said “The definition of bestie: someone who opens their mouth just to insult you.”   The story I made up was, “How funny is this?  This is the perfect description of our super-fun road trip yesterday. My friend will think this is so funny.  I have to send it to her right now!”  Well, the story my friend made up when she saw the iMessage two weeks later was “Cindy must hate me and think I am a horrible friend.”  It took her a full week to get the nerve up to send me an e-mail letting me know that she would try to be a better friend.  Same message, two completely different stories.  Had my friend called me and said: “the story I’m making up is that you think I’m a mean friend” could have been easily explained away.

Scenario #2: A couple of years ago a client poured her heart out to me in a text message.  She displayed a lot of vulnerability and raw emotion.  The text never came through to my phone.  However, at about the same time I was in Costco and texted my client asking if she wanted me to pick up some of her favorite pencils.  Unfortunately, my response to her vulnerable text was “I’m in Costco, want me to grab some pencils?”  She never replied to my text.  The story she made up was “Cindy is ignoring my painful text because I crossed the line of professional boundaries.  I wonder how this is going to change our relationship.”  My story was “Well, I guess she doesn’t need any pencils.”  Same texting miscommunication, two completely different stories.  Had my client called and asked about my strange response to her text, she would have saved herself a week of concern about our potentially-damaged relationship.

Scenario #3:  I managed the Northwest Harvest food drive for my department when I worked at Macy’s.  I was passionate about giving back to the community and loved this part of my job.  One year it looked like we were going to fall a little short of our goal.  I was discussing the situation with one of the senior managers and he said: “just put me down for whatever we are short.”  I felt he had already given plenty so my response was “You’ve already given so much, why don’t you let someone else pick up the slack?”  To that, he curtly responded “Don’t tell me what to do with my money. If I want to give more, I will give more.”  Because I very much respected this person, I was crushed.  My story was “I failed to rally the troops enough and this very generous person is having to pick up the pieces as a result of my failure.” His story was “We’re close, I’m okay giving a little more. Why is she questioning how much I want to give?”  If I’d had my wits about me I could have simply said “Wow.  I didn’t expect that strong of a response.  Where is that coming from?”

Can you see similarities to your experiences in these stories?  What’s your story?  What’s their story? What story can you create together with thoughtful and vulnerable conversations?

Cindy Jobs, COC, ACC

Looking for more information?

Click here for 15-minute organizing tips.

 

 

 

www.organizetosimplify.com

 

 

 

National Association of Productivity & Organizing Professionals, Seattle Chapter Vice-President

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Professional Resource Member

 

 

 

Coach Approach for Organizers

 

 

 

 

Institute for Challenging Disorganization

Level I Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization; ADD; Client Administration; Time Management; Mental Health; and Hoarding.

Level II Specialist Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization and ADHD.

Labels: Helpful or Harmful?

I recently read a great book called “The Organizing Sourcebook” by Kathy Waddill.  As an organizer, the entire book fascinated me, but Chapter #5 drilled home the point on how labeling can give us direction, but it can also hold us back.

Even before reading the book I was a big fan of labeling things.  My P-touch labeler is always close at hand and there are lots and lots of labeled containers in my home and office.  Labeling keeps things clear. Labeling provides order. Labeling creates a vision based on experiences.

But I never thought about the drawbacks of labeling until I processed the information in Kathy Waddill’s book.  How is assigning a label to something standing in our way, not only in the organizing process but life in general?

Paraphrased below are a couple of her examples:

Do you prefer to use the normally-unused dining room as your home office, but are handicapped because you can’t bring yourself to put a filing cabinet in it?  Well, change the label on that room to home office, position a visually-appealing file cabinet and move on.  You will still be able to use it during infrequent dinner parties, but you will use it every day as your convenient home office.

As an empty-nester, are you struggling to reclassify your children’s room into areas you would truly use, like craft room or home gym?  If so, change the label and start enjoying the rooms in support of your current lifestyle.   Invest in a comfortable sofa or wall bed for the occasional overnight visitor and start using the room in the way that supports your lifestyle today.

These examples got me thinking about how using labels can be detrimental to a happy and healthy life.  For example:

Because we have a “favorite restaurant,” does that hold us back from trying new cuisines?

Does our “favorite exercise class” keep us from trying the new Nia fitness trend?

If you think you have a “nosey neighbor,” would you view them differently if they were your Neighborhood Watch captain?

If you could change your mindset around an “anxious” emotion to embracing  “eager” instead, in what way would that change how you feel?

Labeling. Whether it’s helpful or harmful is entirely up to us.

Cindy Jobs, COC, ACC

Looking for more information?

Click here for 15-minute organizing tips.

 

 

 

www.organizetosimplify.com

 

 

 

National Association of Productivity & Organizing Professionals, Seattle Chapter Vice-President

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Professional Resource Member

 

 

 

Coach Approach for Organizers

 

 

 

 

Institute for Challenging Disorganization

Level I Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization; ADD; Client Administration; Time Management; Mental Health; and Hoarding.

Level II Specialist Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization and ADHD.