Monthly Archives: June 2017

Family Communication

(June is Effective Communication Month.  I love studying the impacts of how we communicate, so you will see multiple posts this month about effective communication, communication styles, etc. )

Communication (from Latin commūnicāre, meaning “to share”[1]) is the act of conveying intended meanings from one entity or group to another through the use of mutually understood signs and semiotic rules. Wikipedia

The word that sticks out the most in this definition to me is “intended.”   Sometimes the most difficult conversations I have is within my own family:  siblings, husband, kids, nieces/nephews.

Why is that?  Just to name a few of the disconnects I’ve encountered:

  • Families sometimes develop communication “shorthand” that sometimes fails.
  • Because we may be so close to our family, we think the other person automatically understands our perspective.
  • Different generations have different communication styles and expectations.
  • Unfortunately, we may not be as diplomatic with our family as we are with others.

Shorthand:

You know how sometimes you can just look at someone and you absolutely “get” where they are coming from?  How frequently do you finish the sentence when talking to someone you are deeply familiar with?  How many times have you only had to use a few words to convey a message to someone you are around a lot? Shorthand can sometimes be beneficial or a huge stumbling block if it’s misinterpreted.  Funny story: one of the first disconnects my husband and I had was about cherry pie vs apple pie. So, whenever we encounter a frustrating communication situation we will often ask “is this a cherry pie moment?”  Each of us knows exactly what the phrase means.

Perspective:

Just because we had similar life experiences and perspectives as kids, doesn’t mean we will share the same perspective as adults.  I moved away from the area where I grew up.  Because of that, I’ve experienced things as an adult that my siblings haven’t; my siblings have had experiences that I haven’t.  That’s what happens.   That’s life.  Those dis-similar life experiences change our perspectives.

Styles and Expectations:

I’m a baby-boomer.  I am a verbal processor.  I love to talk.  I like to text.  I over-communicate via e-mail.  I write letters.  I return EVERYONE’s phone calls.  If someone sends me a text, I try to get right back to them.  If someone leaves me a voicemail, I call them right back.  I send “thank you” notes.  Fortunately, my husband and I have similar communication styles.  Some of my other family members, not so much.  It’s not because they don’t love me (I assume they do), it’s that we communicate differently.  I’ve many times left a voicemail saying something like “I need to talk to you about Grandma, please give me a call back” and received a text a couple days later saying “I saw you called.  What do you need?”  Well, for one, for you to call me like my voicemail asked.  (Snarky, I know!)  We have different styles and different expectations which may cause underlying frustration.

Diplomacy

Why is it that we are sometimes the least diplomatic with the ones we care the most about?  I’ve seen people who deeply love each other be sharp-toned, rude, unkind, sarcastic, etc.  When asked about it, they will say “oh, they know I love them and I’m not serious.”  Well, do they?  Are you acting as if you do?

Our families are precious to us.  Let’s make sure we are communicating with them in such a way that they know that.

Cindy Jobs

www.organizetosimplify.com

Member Color - Web
National Association of Professional Organizers, Seattle Chapter Vice President
ICD_LogoTag_Horz_72 website
Institute for Challenging Disorganization:
Level I Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization; ADD; Client Administration; Time Management; Mental Health; and Hoarding.
Level II Specialist Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization and ADHD.
Coach Approach for Organizers
Graduate of the Comprehensive Training Program: Coaching Essentials; Strengths-Based Coaching; Brain-Based Coaching; Life and ADHD Coaching; and Organizer Coach Integration
Graduate-level training: Body-Based Coaching; ADHD Coaching Competencies

 

What are you saying that you aren’t “saying?”

(June is Effective Communication Month.  I love studying the impacts of how we communicate, so you will see multiple posts this month about effective communication, communication styles, etc. )

“Language is a more recent technology. Your body language, your eyes, your energy will come through to your audience before you even start speaking.”                                         Peter Guber

A 1991 University of California study indicated that only 7% of any communication is the choice of words; 93% is conveyed through body language and tone of voice.*  What would it mean to  actually know what people meant to communicate, not just what they said?

A myriad of emotions, including fear, joy, regret, and confusion, are all emotions that come to mind that we may not speak about, but are difficult to hide.

Two large categories of non-verbal communication are posture and facial expressions.

Posture:

Posture is a powerful non-verbal communication tool. What is our posture saying?

Open Posture: May portray friendliness and positivity.  Sit or stand up straight.  Head raised. Relaxed facial expression.  Good eye contact.

Closed Posture: May portray boredom, hostility, or detachment. Arms crossed.  Hunched forward position.  Clenched fists.

I recently discovered an effective posture correcting device called Lumo Lift. The subtle reminder of possible poor posture that Lumo Lift provides has helped me focus on maintaining an open presentation for both my organizing and coaching clients.   I’m not endorsing this product, more bringing to light that there are devices that may assist in our portraying more open and receptive presentation.   For more information on posture visit livestrong.com.

Facial expressions:

A few years ago I had a client ask “Are you upset with me?” during an organizing session.  When I asked the basis for her question, she indicated that I was frowning and she was concerned she’d done something wrong.  Wow! I never experience frustration with my clients, yet my facial expressions were communicating that very emotion to them.  Not only was I thankful she felt she could be open and honest with me, it gave me pause to realize that I was out of tune with, and possibly not able to control, what my body was saying to my clients.

Frowning can indicate negativity, judgement, or possibly just concentration.  Concentration is understandable in organizing or coaching environments; however, negativity and judgement are not emotions I want to portray to my clients.  In order to be more in tune with my facial expressions, I’ve done a couple of things:

  1. Actively focused on thinking positive thoughts during in-person meetings with my clients. For me, positive thoughts result in positive body language.
  2. Mirrors: For phone coaching clients, I employ mirrors to ensure that I’m not frowning. This helps me keep a positive outlook around the call.
  3. Botox (or equivalent): I’ve utilized this for a couple of years.  Although this path isn’t right for everyone (this is a medical procedure, speak to your health care provider), it has resulted in less “what’s wrong” challenges from my clientele.

For more information on facial expressions, visit verywell.com.

Like most skills, understanding and controlling non-verbal communication improves with practice.  How important is it to you to understand what you are communicating and what others are communicating to you?

 

*Source:  Listening to Bodies, A Somatic Primer, Suzanne Zeman

Cindy Jobs

www.organizetosimplify.com

Member Color - Web
National Association of Professional Organizers, Seattle Chapter Vice President
ICD_LogoTag_Horz_72 website
Institute for Challenging Disorganization:
Level I Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization; ADD; Client Administration; Time Management; Mental Health; and Hoarding.
Level II Specialist Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization and ADHD.
Coach Approach for Organizers
Graduate of the Comprehensive Training Program: Coaching Essentials; Strengths-Based Coaching; Brain-Based Coaching; Life and ADHD Coaching; and Organizer Coach Integration
Graduate-level training: Body-Based Coaching; ADHD Coaching Competencies

The Cost of Poor Communication

(June is Effective Communication Month.  I love studying the impacts of how we communicate, so you will see multiple posts this month about effective communication, communication styles, etc. )

Communication is a tricky thing.  Sometimes even when we think we are perfectly clear in our communication, something gets lost along the way.

Why worry about communication?

  • Good communication generally results in good relationships.
  • Bad communication generally creates stressful relationships.

Good communication is crucial to any successful business, but it’s even more crucial in a small business where owners and employees wear many different hats.  Good communication can help you retain great employees and customers; poor communication can cost you both.

I see the cost of poor communication on a pretty regular basis, costing businesses employees and customers.  What does poor communication look like?

  1. Incomplete or inaccurate work expectations: It’s my contention that most employees come to work wanting to do a great job.  Unfortunately, there have been many times in my experience that incomplete explanation of work expectations has resulted in employees either quitting or getting fired.  In general, supervisors have a pretty clear idea of employee expectations, unfortunately they may not communicate fully and clearly to the employee, resulting in a negative work relationship between. Suffer too many of these negative instances and talented employees will quit or get fired, resulting in expensive recruiting, hiring, and training.  Clearly-defined employee expectations will save a company thousands of dollars in the long run.
  2. Incomplete documentation of job responsibilities: When employees wear many hats, the line of responsibility sometimes gets blurred about who is supposed to do what within the organization.  Without clear definition of each employee’s responsibility and timeline for completing tasks, there is a grey area about who is doing what, when.   I worked with a small business where no one was assigned to monitor some pretty important daily tasks, which resulted in  financial challenges, lost customers, and a facility that left a less-than-desirable impression on customers.
    • Financial transactions: To maintain a good credit score (which will result in more favorable banking rates) financial paperwork must be handled in a timely fashion.  Successful businesses see value in  invoicing customers frequently; paying creditors within agreed-upon terms; making bank deposits daily in order to take advantage of any available interest on the account; etc.  Not making smart financial decisions can cost your company hard-earned profits and credibility.
    • Responses to customer inquiries: Without clearly-defined responsibilities about who and how often voicemail and e-mail communication is addressed may result in potential customers being ignored.  With customers’ increasing use of technology, it is more important than ever that these responsibilities and expectations be clearly defined.
    • Maintenance: Although it may seem that routine maintenance items don’t need to be assigned, it is critically important that they are.  Making sure supplies are purchased, rest rooms are clean, light bulbs are replaced, etc. is a clear reflection on how well your business functions and how customers view the professional level of the company.
  3. Incomplete or inaccurate paperwork: Determining the cost of inaccurate paperwork is relatively simple when you know the cost of employee time and raw materials. Here are just a couple:
    • Unnecessary time spent when a client’s physical address is inaccurate for a field representative will result in wasted time for the employee and frustration on the part of the client who will be waiting extra time for a service call. We’ve all heard stories about “waiting all afternoon for the cable guy” which generally results in bad-mouthing the business and loss of future sales.  As business owners, we can’t afford the bad press.
    • Poor handwriting has resulted in more time and materials waste that almost anything. Examples can be as simple as incorrect phone numbers and addresses; the difference between ¼” and ½” when we are cutting a client’s materials to certain specifications;  or the difference between a client wanting their work done on the 1st or 7th day of the month.  Any time written documentation isn’t 100% clear it’s costly to our business.

Clear communication about work expectations,  documentation of responsibilities, and accurate paperwork will save your business time, money, frustration and customers.  What impression does your communication give about you and your company?

Cindy Jobs

www.organizetosimplify.com

Member Color - Web
National Association of Professional Organizers, Seattle Chapter Vice President
ICD_LogoTag_Horz_72 website
Institute for Challenging Disorganization:
Level I Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization; ADD; Client Administration; Time Management; Mental Health; and Hoarding.
Level II Specialist Certificates earned in Chronic Disorganization and ADHD.
Coach Approach for Organizers
Graduate of the Comprehensive Training Program: Coaching Essentials; Strengths-Based Coaching; Brain-Based Coaching; Life and ADHD Coaching; and Organizer Coach Integration
Graduate-level training: Body-Based Coaching; ADHD Coaching Competencies